consequently i now know what mace tastes like
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
