god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
