i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
