Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
