you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He felt like a one man threesome
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize