i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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