mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
