2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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