Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
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