I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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