I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
