I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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