I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
