So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
