Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
