i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
