I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
