piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
