i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
