well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize