I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
