So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Ketchup is God's man juice
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
