i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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