I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
