It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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