Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
