apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
