Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
