Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
