someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
