I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
