I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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