I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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