I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Pants are for mortals
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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