new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
