? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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