its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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