I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize