i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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