i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
