hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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