We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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