I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
