I don't remember. Are we still dating?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize