Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
