I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
