no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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