its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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