She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
