I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
