I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
