I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
