I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
