Your mouth is God's brothel.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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