turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
