some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
