singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
