i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
