He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
