I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
