You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
