Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
