It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
