then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
She needs sedatives and a leash
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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