No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
