carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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