this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
