you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
