Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
