He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
