At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
