i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
