They should really pass out barf bags in church
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
