I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
