Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
