how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
