Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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