Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
