I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
