$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
