so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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