let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
