He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
