I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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