You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
