I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
