I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
