She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
