Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
