I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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