he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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