in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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