So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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