I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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